It had been some Time.

Yea, it had been some time since I last updated my blog. Sounds familiar. Lol. Sounds like I used it as one of the opening for the previous topic. Whatever it is, back to the States Again. Yes, again. Is there any different? Seems like a No, but it's more a Yes. No matter what it is, I had learn to be a different person from what I had experienced, what I gone through, and have a better view in everything I guess. Haven't been talking to any of my family nor my friends who are in Malaysia for a while. How's everyone doing I wonder. I'm still pretty well, I guess. Just that, no longer speaks out as often as I did, protecting myself from the predators around me, afraid of everything. I learned to keep everything by my own; I share my happiness with my friends, but not what's annoyed me. Shouldn't this what friends meant to be? Have no idea. I had lost my confidence, I lost what I used to have before, I lost, and I'm a different person for now. Crap, have no idea what I'm trying to say. Emo by my own, alone in the room, where's my friends? No idea, stop asking me this question. Learning to be on my own, learning to be independent, learning to be an individual who I am suppose to be. Desperate for anything? Yea, True happiness please. I'm tired of looking for what I need or want, maybe I should just stop and look by and at the same time look forward, did I left anything behind while chasing something to fast, or maybe the brightness from another end are just ain't true. What's the next step? Anyone? I just need to talk to someone I guess. Someone who I can really talk to and listen to me.

p/s: How's everyone doing? Update me please.

Time crawls? No way.

In a blink, it's reaching my birthday. Yes, my birthday, and I'm leaving just one day after my freaking day. This summer is coming to an end, preparation for the coming Fall semester. What had I done? Except spending time with friends, that's all. Isn't that what I should do? Or start getting nerd and emo alone at home. I do, when I'm alone through out the mid night. No one to look for, no one to chat with, starring at the computer, looking the time walking alone on a fast pace. What will I miss the most when I get back? Friends of course, yet just like what I was afraid before I came back, things happened and stained couldn't be removed as we thought we could. Should I just let the time to do the work, again? One more thing, I'm not afraid of going back, hmm, do I? No idea. Maybe yes or no, but a no in my conscious mind. And this time, even myself, have no idea when will be my next time coming back to this place. Maybe the next chance I get to meet some of you will be in the States as well. Pretty looking forward to it tho. So, make sure everyone of you work hard as usual and attain what you guys are looking for.

A friend of mine told me, rather enjoy the remaining days here than emo-ing all the time which is true. However, how well could we stop missing things when the times left is just getting lesser and lesser. Didn't I had this feeling when I'm bout to come back from Lincoln back to 3 months ago. Probably the feelings just ain't as strong as now. Is true this isn't my first time anymore, which my first time was actually just at the beginning of the year. Still, There's too much things I wouldn't want to miss out. Especially mamak and sheesha with Yew. Maybe I don't open up to anyone like what I did when I with him. Okay, sounds wrong. We are just brothers. Make it clear. Friend and friends. I have a lot of friends, maybe not that much, just a comparison anyway, true friends? Yes, but obviously not many.

After all, 6 more days, and this will be my last Thursday in Malaysia. Crap. I never thought time actually flies, it really Flew. Bloody hell. People, hope to see you guys on Sunday. We shall have fun, real Fun.

胡言乱语

很久没来写东西了，无聊无聊写几个字。回来也有一段时间了，才发现原来离回去美国的时间也只剩一个月。很长吗？看来很长，时间过得却有点快。回来看到朋友，家人，一个个熟悉的面孔；每天跟朋友出去玩，吃，或许我看来真的没什么在乎，也没想说什么，很简单的一句话，谢谢你们。少了你们，我的生活也显得黯淡无光。想想，我也应该多些留在家里，陪我的家人了。也许离下次回来也有一段距离，珍惜开始慢慢被体会。朋友，这次回来，真的很开心有你们在。无聊时，打个电话聊几句也开心；闲着没事干，简讯你们也已满足；凌晨自己一个人坐着，发干呆，想起过去所做过的一切，嘴角不自觉向上提了。或许朋友之间有矛盾，也当然免不了，互相的体谅，进一步加强了朋友之间的锁链，不敢奢望长久，只想珍惜眼前我所得到。
回头看看在过去的一个多月，陈伟彬这个废人做过了什么。每天晚上多数的时间都不会在家，晚餐也更不用说；每天跑来跑去，做有的没的；课？曾经很乖每天都去上，现在懒筋跑了出来，也该是时候准时去上课了。
脑袋啊，你又在做什么？想什么？对着电脑发呆，想怎样？往事一幕幕的重现。朋友说得没错，回来后才发觉，原来家，比任何地方都还要美。没错，在美国的我，吃喝玩乐没人管，买东西逛街也特爽，但少了一群群的你们，家人；也许，你们看我快乐，也只是表面的了。
生日也差不多到了，今年的生日，当然希望能如往常有你们一起庆祝；明年呢？我还是得自己一个人在美国过我的21岁生日。少了你们的生日，又会是怎样的呢？好奇，却不期待。
胡言乱语了几句，也是时候停了。很多话，说不出口。只希望，你们真的能明白我。

Dissapointment remains.

Never been so dissapointed. Do people really changed? Or I am the one changing? Becoming someone who never tolerate with the others, never understand people's situation? I hope not. Yet, it had been disspointing days for me during these two days. Again, to you. You said I can never understand your situation, not putting myself into your shoes, but at the same time, did you look from my perspective? I tried my best to reduce the budget for the trip, I did; what I get back in return? Saying is expensive? Yes, it is. Please think again, that's what I can only do. I'm not the owner of the hotel, or even the island. If I am, you guys can go there for free obviously. So, stop complaining to me is expensive. If you are not willing to go, just let me know; I don't care what's the reason behind because I knew it. That's all I can say to you. You dissapointed me. As a friend, I'm hoping good for you, wasn't trying to add on any frustration nor burden on you. If our friendship is what you choose to sacrifice, I shouldn't say anything. That's your decision I would say, but please think twice. This matter had been triggering me for these few days, if you aren't someone I care, you know I won't. I don't hope there's any changes between us, hope you have the same thought as me.

Things remained, people changed, not Me.

It had been one month back to where I'm from originally, places remain unchange, yet people do change. No doubt, I enjoy being with friends, that's the reason and why I'm back here; obviously, what I'm worried about did occured as well. To be honest, I expect to spend more time with all of you, hoping to spend more and most of my time with you, yet is true that everyone do have their own things busying with, especially with their studies. I'm not trying to complain, or in other way, satisfying myself by putting the pain on the others, that's why I try to make up plans, joining everyone regardless for a meal or just a walk, anytime. I do sacrifice whatever I can to take part, I do willing to spend in everything to earn a bit of time with you, you, and you. Appreciate those who did really tried, and I'm okay with those who couldn't make it sometimes, these are what friends for, to be tolerate among each other, sharing things among each other, and of course being there for each other. I have few of you to share everything with me, but in other hand, you, one of my best friend, I really hope you understand what I had been trying to tell you. You should know what I dislike; at the same time, knowing me for such a period, you know me well enough. Everyone have their own theory to live on their life, so does you; that's the reason I never said a word to you before, not until I came back. Put these few things in mind, you study in behalf of yourself, your life shouldn't be minimize till there's only both of you. I really hope you understand what I'm trying to say, probably talk this to me one day when you are ready. Again, I really think we should talk, one day. Of course, I know all of you had tried your very best to participate in trips which I planned. My bad, for doing the bad calculation, my bad for doing such a bad job in this, I know is a little way out of budget, I'm not trying to make myself better, but take this into consideration before doing the final decision. By the amount I proposed, you get to go on a trip to Redang, by air. I couldn't make any changes on the plan nor reducing the price. Really sorry bout that. Guys, just let me know as soon as possible, whether to go or not to go. Don't be afraid that I will be dissapointed, obviously I will, but if the budget really doesn't allows, there's nothing we can do except for cutting off the plan.

It had been some time since I last blogged. Kinda rusty. There's too much running around in heart. Instead of letting it out, it seems to be better to be in there. I'm still me, nothing changed, nor my feelings. Too much to express; couldn't find my way. That's all for now I guess. Hope to see you guys on Saturday.

p/s: Now I know how's the feeling of suffering from bulimia.